Attack of the wacko bridesmaids
Marilyn Anderson
Just when you thought it was safe to walk down the aisle, along come your bridesmaids exhibiting bizarro behavior. Is it jealousy, abandonment issues, or simply negative thoughts? Take the time to understand their psycho conduct and you’ll be better equipped to handle them. Dr. Rita Bigel-Casher, a Manhattan-based therapist and author of A Bride’s Guide to Emotional Survival (Prima Publishing), is loaded with tips on spotting their kooky acts and ways to survive the madness: YOUR BRIDESMAID: Cleo the Clinger THE BUZZ: You’ve been best buds forever. You’ve shared clothes and more importantly, secrets. She’s the first one you told when he popped the question. CLINGER CLUES: When you told her you were engaged, within 24-hours she was leaving weepy messages on your answering machine along the lines of: “What am I going to do without you?”… “You’re leaving me!”… “Can we still go to singles’ bars together?”… “Waahhhhh!” ONE BRIDE’S STORY: Gwen, a 27-year-old bride from New York, was inundated with emails like those from her Clinging Cleo. Worse, after Gwen and her groom were pronounced man and wife, her alleged friend ran around telling other guests, “Can you believe she left me for him!” Gwen said her relatives thought her behavior was strange. YOUR SECRET AMMUNITION: According to Dr. Bigel-Casher, you must reassure your bridesmaid that you’ll stay close friends. While it’s true, after you’re married the number one person in your life will be your husband, assure her you’ll still have time for the friendship. YOUR BRIDESMAID: Jealous Jane THE BUZZ: You’re so close, you’re almost like sisters. So why would she be jealous? Here are some clues: 1) You’ve been dating your boyfriend six months; she’s been dating her boyfriend six years. 2) Your boyfriend proposed in a gondola; her boyfriend threw up in a gondola, and 3) You’re getting married; she’s getting old. THE JAWS OF JEALOUSY: Her behavior might be blatant, like making snide remarks. But more likely, there’ll be subtle signs to let you know that Jane is green with envy. One of her tactics is making you doubt yourself. She asks, “Are you sure you’re ready?” Or “Can you imagine never having sex with anyone else?” She also might try to make you doubt your fiancé. “Where is he tonight?” Or “He travels so much… Aren’t you worried he’ll cheat?” And then behind your back, she nuzzles up to him! ONE BRIDE’S STORY: Whenever 29-year-old Susan from Chicago tried to get together, her bridesmaid, Kalla, had excuses. When Kalla didn’t show up for her dress fitting, Susan was mad. Kalla’s excuse? “Oops! I wrote the wrong day in my calendar.” Their showdown finally came when Kalla arrived an hour late to the rehearsal dinner and then talked to her boyfriend on her cell phone the whole time! When Susan asked her point blank why she was behaving so poorly, Kalla answered, “I always thought my wedding would be first!” YOUR SECRET AMMUNITION: Dr. Rita Bigel-Casher explains that jealous people are insecure. They feel they don’t have enough, so they want what you have. Their aggressive behavior is meant to hurt you, because they feel hurt. How to deal with a Jealous Jane? Confront her, console her, or if that doesn’t work, ignore her. YOUR BRIDESMAID: Center-of-Attention Cyndi THE BUZZ: Cyndi is elated when you ask her to be your bridesmaid. She loves being in weddings. And she quickly tells you that she looks best in blue, yellow, or peach. Absolutely no mauve! Then Cyndi screams, “Yikes, I’ve got to start my diet! I must look gorgeous!” Did you notice she never even told you that you’d be a beautiful bride? Watch out – because this is only the beginning. TELLTALE SIGNS: At your wedding her dress is lower cut than all the others. She had it altered. And her diet worked — she lost twenty pounds and had them implanted in her breasts! At the reception, she introduces herself to every table of relatives, friends, and girlfriends’ dates. That’s why she didn’t bring one herself… He’d cramp her style. She talks loud, laughs loud, and dances with every husband and boyfriend. ONE BRIDE’S STORY: Dana, a 25-year-old bride from New York, remembers her Center-of-Attention bridesmaid, an aspiring actress who offered to sing Dana’s favorite song at the wedding. Bree had a good voice, so Dana figured why not? The only problem? Bree sang that – plus 10 other songs. You’d think it was her very own solo concert! YOUR SECRET AMMUNITION: Accord-ing to Dr. Bigel-Casher, Center-of-Attention Cyndi can’t help herself. She’s insecure and narcissistic. To survive the wedding, the best thing for you to do is overlook her behavior. Later on you can decide if it’s worth putting up with a friend like this. YOUR BRIDESMAID: Gloom & Doom Dorie THE BUZZ: Dorie has always been sweet and supportive. However, as your wedding plans proceed, Darling Dorie is becoming a Negative Nellie. DOOM & GLOOM WHINES & LINES: Some of her doom-and-gloom scenarios: “Of course, it won’t happen to you but do you realize over 50% of marriages end in divorce!”… “It’s so nice you’re having an outdoor wedding but what if it rains?”… “Your bakery makes the most beautiful wedding cakes – even though they don’t taste good”… ONE BRIDE’S STORY: Sari, a 26-year-old Los Angeles bride, describes her cousin Lisa as the Stephen King weaver of wedding stories. Every day she’d tell another disaster tale - one about the bride who cut off a finger instead of the cake, or another from the National Enquirer about the groom who was hit by lightning. YOUR SECRET AMMUNITION: Dr. Bigel-Casher suggests you reassure your friend that everything is going just fine. Explain that you’d love to hear any positive things she has to say, but she should delete the rest. Oh yes – and tell her she has an hour a day for negative thoughts, but that’s not her hour with you.