Dear Newlywed
Sheila Feeney
When it comes to writing thank you notes, there is only one absolute: Just do ’em. HOW to compose the perfect expression of gratitude? We’ll get to that in a moment. First and foremost, the most important thing is to get those puppies off in the mail, pronto. We know you’ll be wincing at the list of 200 people due acknowledgments (all wise brides keep a meticulous list of who gave what). But imagine the state of your generous benefactors who may be wondering if in fact you got the gift (which could have been lost in the mail, or in the reception craziness). Promptness counts. And as Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” A prompt “merci” assures the gift giver that the gift was received, and it also takes a burden off you: If you knock off notes as the gifts come in (making neat checks next to those names on the master list), you are spared the rising mountain of cards that take on a life of their own on your kitchen or dining room table. Now that we trust that you’ll jump right on it, let us get into some of the fine points of actually writing the thanks: Thank you notes should be handwritten. Yes, we know there is software for sale to streamline your mass epistolary obligations. Sure, those generic, pre-printed thank-you cards are a temptation for the overwhelmed newlywed. We know that you have cramps in the hand. No matter. Thank you notes for wedding gifts must be handwritten and they must be personal, preferably on your personal stationery. Write the date of the note at the top. Don't try to put on a date three weeks or two months ago to guiltily cover up your delay if you get around to your post-wedding chore months later than expected. Mention the gift specifically in the body of your letter and describe in a personal way why it evokes pleasure. Writing a letter is really nothing more than an accurate translation of your feelings into words. Just tell the person to whom you are writing why you appreciate their gift and how you expect to employ it. (“John and I so look forward to having you over for a meal on our gorgeous new china.” “The Home Depot gift certificate is exactly what we wanted! Howie and I can't wait to start our vegetable garden in the back yard.”). Convention dictates that the writer of the thank-you acknowledge the delight of their mate as well as her own pleasure in the body of the letter (“Tom and I are so grateful for the exquisite wine goblets” ). Typically, letters are to be signed by a single person, as only one of you has written the letter. However, many recipients of thank-yous are delighted by co-signed letters, or even co-written ones, in which each member of the couple dashes off a few words of gratitude. In the end, it doesn't matter if you divide up the task with your husband, or do it with him. Just do ’em! With many thanks for your attention, I remain, Affectionately yours, Sheila Feeney