Thank You Writing Made Easy
Autumn Rhea Carpenter
The importance of saying “thank-you” has been drilled into most people’s heads since the age of three. However, in our busy everyday lives, the lost art has begun to fade from polite society. When discussing wedding etiquette, thanking friends and family members for their participation and thoughtful gifts is vital.
At one time, notes were not considered necessary when you thanked someone in person. Today with longer guest lists, a personal note is the only way to make sure sincere appreciation is expressed. Many people think that the wording must be perfect and this causes so much anxiety that the notes are never sent. Before all the other rules, remember that an imperfect note that comes with heartfelt sentiment far exceeds a perfect note that was never written.
A thank-you note must be sent to everyone who gives you a gift. The note also lets the gift-giver know that you actually received the item. It’s more than a courtesy. It’s a way to recognize a person’s thoughtfulness. A written thank-you note expresses real sincerity.”
Prior to the wedding, use generic thank-you cards. For brides, if you have some stationery with your maiden name on it, use those as well. Save the formal notes, printed with your married name, for after the wedding. It’s “correct” to use them once you are officially married. Notes should be personal and formal, but couples can spice up the experience by choosing stationery that suits their personalities. Couples often choose cards that coordinate with the wedding theme, monogrammed stationery or photo cards. A paper that is 28 to 30-pound quality is standard and folded notes offer more writing room than a message card. Traditionally, wedding thank-you notes are written in blue or black ink on folded ivory or white paper.
Some couples purchase thank-you notes at the same time that they order invitations. Most invitation companies have thank-you notes that can coordinate with your invitations. Many couples are choosing monograms (bride's first initial, couple's last name initial, groom's first initial) or "Mr. and Mrs." on their thank-you notes. When ordering these notes, always order plenty of extras. You'll be able to continue using them after the wedding. Avoid pre-printed thank-you cards, which eliminate your own personalization.
A handwritten note goes a long way in gaining the gift-giver’s attention. A typed letter just isn’t as genuine as a handwritten note. Handwriting a note takes time and in turn, tells the recipient that you appreciate the time it took for them to pick out and send you a gift.
Writer’s cramp will surely appear, so develop a plan of attack. For example, set a goal to write 10 thank-you notes a day during the week and 20 per day on the weekend until you are finished. Writing legibly is important, because if the recipient cannot read the card, the sentiment is lost. Never send a note with misspellings or mistakes.
Life will be easier, if you save the guest list and can refer to the addressees when sending thank-you notes. Make a copy of it at invitation time and put it away. Before you start opening gift boxes, find that list and record each gift next to the giver's name and address. Be sure to include your new return address on all thank-you cards. Your guests will appreciate having your current information.
If you use the invitation list to pre-address the envelopes prior to the wedding, valuable time will be saved later. You will also be able to keep track of those who were unable to attend, but sent a gift anyway. This group is part of the "must thank" list and it is considered proper to send along their note whenever the gift is received, even if it's before the actual wedding date. Also, keep a meticulous record of every gift you receive - what it is, who it's from and when you received it.
In order to ensure that everyone gets thanked, try to begin writing thank-you notes as soon as gifts start arriving. This means starting the process before the wedding even occurs. Remember, when you receive more than one gift from someone, each gift must be recognized with its own thank-you card.
Ideally, the rule is that you're supposed to mail thank-you notes for gifts received before the wedding within two weeks after their arrival. After the wedding, you have within a month after you return from the honeymoon. A common fallacy exists that couples are allotted a year after their wedding to send thank-you notes. The concept is unfounded and only makes the couple look lazy and unorganized.
Marriage is all about sharing and the thank-you writing process is no exception. Delegate responsibilities and verify that you are both sharing the same sentiments. One idea is for the bride and groom to write thank-you notes to their perspective friends and family members. Make sure that both bride and groom are participating in thanking the gift-givers. It will make the process happen faster and alleviate any grudges that one person is doing more work.
For the truly overwhelmed couple, unique, thank-you writing services are offered, for a small fee. These companies will compose a personal non-generic handwritten note for each gift on the list that you provide to them. They keep everything confidential and your guests won’t know that you have hired outside assistance.
Designating a comfortable writing area in your home will help to organize the process. Using personalized, stylish stationery shows an attention to detail and will make the monotonous process a little more enjoyable. Quality pens, such as a roller ball, will make the writing easier as well.
When writing the thank-you note, share your thoughts about the gift (if you dislike the gift, keep that information to yourself) and your plans for the gift. Add a personal reference, so it doesn’t sound as if you're writing the same message to every guest. These days, most couples sign both their names, especially if the thank-you is to mutual friends.
In general, your note should include: (1) a specific mention of the gift (so the reader knows you received it and that you took time to think about it); (2) how much you love it; and (3) how you'll use it. When thanking a person for a monetary gift, avoid the words ‘cash’ or ‘check,’ instead use the word ‘generous gift.’ The amount of the gift shouldn’t be stated, only how the money will be spent.
When acknowledging a bridal registry purchase, thank the gift-giver for buying something that you really desired and again explain how it will be displayed in your home. Finally, when you are thanking someone for a gift that you don’t particularly love, put a spin on it and express your gratitude for their original thinking. Unusual, unique, and interesting are all euphemisms that might be used to describe a gift that may prove to be indescribable. When thanking people, never start the note with "I." Always use "you" more than "I" or "me" in the note. Express your gratitude in at least two different ways. Never mention if you plan to return a gift. Keep these details to yourself. If a gift arrived damaged, contact the store and make arrangements for a replacement.
After you've covered the basics in your note, you can also thank the gift- giver for traveling so far, if applicable. Add a little humor and loving sentiment to the card and don't worry about it not being the work of a writer. Finally, when signing off your thank-you note, try to avoid sounding overly formal by using ‘sincerely.’ Use words like ‘with thanks,’ ‘much love,’ or ‘warmly.’ Mail your note with a pretty postage stamp for a stylish presentation.
Remember to send thank-you notes to all your host or hostesses of your engagement party, bridal shower and rehearsal dinner. You may also want to send thank-you notes to the individuals who participated in your wedding (readers, etc.). Always give a special thanks to the bride's parents, groom's parents, maid-of-honor, best man and your officiant or clergyman.
It’s a nice gesture to send thank-you notes to any of the wedding professionals who exceeded your expectations. These notes are much appreciated by professionals and form a reference base for use during their presentations. Remember when you were interviewing wedding professionals, how reassuring it was to see a binder stuffed with thank-you notes?
Try not to think of writing out thank-you notes as a dreaded task. Remember all the people that cared enough about you both to attend your wedding and give you a gift. Thank them with warmth and sincerity. Their thoughtfulness will linger much longer than your case of writer’s cramps.