The Joy of Shopping...Together
Sandra Mardenfeld
While shopping may be the national pastime of most women, it’s one of the least favorite activities for men. So, how do you get your future spouse to embrace his inner shopper, and make registering for gifts enjoyable for both of you? It helps to be realistic and honest with each other. Yes, believe it or not, the skills you’ll use to maintain a successful marriage are the same you’ll need to survive organizing your bridal registry.
“A couple should register together,” emphasizes Deborah McCoy, a bridal consultant and author of The Elegant Wedding and the Budget-Savvy Bride–but that doesn’t mean you should leap into the process mindlessly. To make shopping easier, McCoy suggests talking over basic choices before the big registration day. Do this by taking a preliminary shopping trip to compare general likes and dislikes; and if your groom complains about having to shop twice, check out merchandise online. This step is important, according to McCoy, because it’s easier to battle it out at home than in the middle of a department store. Besides keeping the lines of communication open, you’ll both need to compromise. Maybe you want your groom in on all the registering decisions, but if he could care less about crystal, china patterns, and silverware, why lecture him on the value of Wedgwood compared to Royal Doulton? Take your mom or your sister to choose those items. Also, let him have an opinion. Marriage is give-and-take and so is selecting your everyday dishes. So, if he’s aghast over eating from flowered plates, don’t get them–or at least bargain with him for dishes with smaller buds. Your future husband will enjoy shopping more if you actually consider his viewpoint.
Choose which store you register at carefully. The squeamish shopper will appreciate a store with those hand-held scanner systems, which make constructing your wedding wish list easy by merely zapping the barcodes of desired items. Some registries will even hold your gifts in an account, recording who bought what. After the wedding you can review this list, modifying whatever you want before the store sends the products–a handy service for those who hate making returns. Also consider registering at more than one site. Once upon a time, registries only existed in department and jewelry stores, but now all types of places, from home supply centers to discount retail stores, have them. Your mate might be more inclined to help select towels and linens at that fancy home décor boutique if he knows that at the next stop you’ll be registering for more male-friendly sporting goods, grills, and electronics. Keep in mind that for those men who truly hate shopping, there are always online sites.
You don’t even have to register for physical products. As people wait longer to wed, very often couples find they already have all the blenders, vacuums, and coffee makers they’ll need. So, consider registering for other items. For instance, the FHA (Federal Housing Administration) bridal registry allows friends and family to contribute to a couple’s future home. You can also register for honeymoon travel or for donations to charities of your choice. The novelty of all this might just intrigue your companion rather than repel him.
If all else fails, there is always bribery. “Take him shopping on a Sunday morning between 10 a.m. and 12 p.m. when most people are not shopping, and promise him a champagne brunch afterwards,” suggests Joyce Scardina Becker, author of Countdown to Your Perfect Wedding. After all, what man can refuse a good meal?
Registering 101: getting what you really need
Registering for gifts is like being a child in a candy store. Ah, the power of the scanner gun, it can make an individual lose their senses. So, carefully consider what you need before going shopping. First make a list of all the basics you’ll require: linens, towels, appliances, silverware, pans, and dishes. Use the lists stores provide as a guideline, but not as an absolute. Also, go through what you and your groom have. Sometimes you’re unaware that your sweetheart actually has a Crock Pot in the back of his kitchen cabinet. Consider that gifts should come in all price ranges to satisfy all of your gift-givers’ budgets.
Don’t forget to register for some ridiculous dream items like that $500 mirror (maybe all your bridesmaids will chip in) and some odds and ends, such as dish scrubbing brushes, serving tongs, and kitchen timers (perfect for wishing wells). Think about your décor as well as your bathroom, bedroom, and kitchen needs. This is the perfect time to register for art, frames, pictures, and clocks for your living room and welcome mats for the front porch. Many people also register for their outdoor life, adding garden tools, patio furniture, and snow blowers to their tally. Today, many couples already have their domestic necessities since they’ve lived in an apartment or home for years–and if that’s the case, feel free to register for lifestyle items, such as iPods, DVD players, and computer accessories, which can all be wonderful gifts.
You’ll want to register at a variety of stores or at least a place that has an online shopping site, which will also make the process easy for those out-of-town guests. One other Emily Post-type rule you don’t want to ignore is to leave registry information off of your wedding invitation. Let your guests know this information in the bridal shower invitations or when they ask you–anything else is a no-no.
And remember, you can always resort to pointing out to your groom that this may be one of the very rare occasions in your adult life when you can shamelessly ask for gifts.