Well Rehearsed
Celia Shatzman
Whether you’ve invited just the wedding party or you’re throwing a huge fête, the rehearsal dinner will mark the official beginning of your wedding weekend.
Rehearsal dinners have become more casual now that couples want to save the wedding as the main event. “Rehearsal dinners used to be formal affairs, which took away from the big day,” says Beverly Hills-based celebrity event planner Mindy Weiss. “Today they’re more fun, relaxed, and held earlier in the evening since the bride and groom has to get up bright and early the next day.”
In addition to restaurants and country clubs, Long Island couples are also heading to beaches and parks, or using their backyard as the setting for their rehearsal dinner. “A lot of couples demand something unique where guests can experience different foods and places,” says Liz Seccuro, creative director of Dolce Parties based in Connecticut.
The rehearsal dinner’s setting should be laidback and interactive since this is often when guests meet each other for the first time. “Opting to have a picnic, barbeque or clambake, for example, makes it easier for guests to relax and get to know one another,” says Seccuro. It’s also a great way to take advantage of Long Island’s topographical beauty and landmarks, such as meadows, vineyards, and gardens, as well as let out-of-town guests see various parts of your hometown.
Couples often seek fresh ideas for icebreakers to put their guests at ease and have fun. A popular new trend at rehearsal dinners is showing a video of how the couple met. “It’s a humorous he said/she said account where the couple is interviewed in separate rooms, but asked the same questions to see how each responds,” says Weiss. Karaoke at the end of a rehearsal dinner is another clever way to loosen up guests before the wedding.
Themes are not as popular for rehearsal dinners as they are for weddings. “Although it’s the first thing they’re seeing for the weekend, you don’t have to go overboard with the rehearsal dinner,” says Weiss. Over decorating for the rehearsal dinner is certainly a faux pas. “It’s better to keep it simple and chic than over-the-top and cheesy,” says Weiss.
The location of the dinner can set the decor. If it’s outdoors, take cues from what the trees and flowers look like and use colors or place cards to compliment.
The rehearsal dinner’s foods and drinks can reflect the casual setting of the event. Consider letting the location dictate the direction the menu will go. “The menu has changed with a shift toward more local fresh and organic products that are now readily available,” says Seccuro. “And rather than martinis, we’re seeing more drinks infused with herbs or fresh fruit.” Another trend is to design a signature cocktail around the couple, influenced by where they met or their common interests.
Tasting parties are a modern and easy alternative to the traditional rehearsal dinner. “It’s a nice way to bring together the couple’s families and friends,” said Dina Cheney, author of Tasting Club. A tasting party is highly interactive, and gets everyone involved – it gives everyone something to talk about. “It’s a novel and creative twist to doing a traditional sit-down meal,” says Cheney.
Tastings, which include apple, coffee, honey, beer and gourmet vinegar sampling, are also great for couples on a budget. A wine and cheese tasting, served with an appetizer and dessert, can replace dinner. Chocolate tastings are also more cost-friendly, and even wine tastings can be done on a budget – there are many wonderful wines available at $10 or $15 a bottle. “People don’t consume as much at tastings because they’re savoring the foods or drinks slowly,” says Cheney. “So, you don’t end up spending a lot of money on food and beverages for this event.”
Though the format of the rehearsal dinner has changed, traditional etiquette remains the same. Whoever is hosting the rehearsal dinner is responsible for greeting all of the guests; however the bride and groom should introduce everyone to each other. Toasts given by the parents, best man, and maid of honor are reserved for the wedding, but everyone is welcome to toast during the rehearsal dinner; and the bride and groom toast each other.
Most couples still adhere to the tradition that the bride’s parents pay for the wedding, and the groom’s parents pay for the rehearsal. However, couples who marry at an older age tend to pay for a lot of the expenses themselves, including the rehearsal dinner.
Rehearsal dinners range greatly in size, but at the very least, immediate family members, grandparents, and the wedding party with their significant others should be invited. Ideally, out-of-town guests should also be included. However, if you’re on a budget and can’t include the out-of-towners on the guest list, Weiss recommends having a big dessert event after the dinner where everyone is invited.
The rehearsal dinner is the perfect opportunity for the bride and groom to thank their family and friends for all that they’ve done to help with the wedding. And incorporating more contemporary and unique ideas is sure to set a welcoming tone for your wedding.